Not a New Year's post

What's that?  There are seriously less than 12 hours left of 2011?  That crept up really fast.  While New Year's Eve is typically a time where I think a lot about what's happened over the year, and while 2011 has been a year full of really memorable moments and a couple milestones (graduating from college, my first Mac [ha], moving back to Europe), I'm going to leave the reflections for later and gush as I tell you about my Christmas.

I was so pleasantly surprised at how cozy it felt.  I've been an ocean away from my family at Christmas before, and it's hard.  But if I couldn't have my family with me, I think this was the next best way to do it.

First, you should know that Santa does not visit Austrian children.  Saint Nicholas comes on the 6th of December to fill good children's boots with chocolate, oranges, and nuts, but he has nothing to do with Christmas.  In fact, outside of my room, there was not the smallest clue that Christmas was approaching until Christmas Eve.

This is because the Christkind (literally, "Christ child") brings all of the decorations and gifts together on the evening of the 24th.  So we locked the living room door on the 23rd, to give the Christkind plenty of time to transform our living room without peeking eyes.

On Christmas Eve (called Weihnachten), we dressed up for Kindermasse (children's mass), came home from church, ate a delicious salmon dinner, and awaited the bell that would be Christkind's signal to us that he's unlocked the living room door.  You should have seen the girls when that bell rang.  They burst into that room like nobody's business, and we walked in to find a beautifully decorated and lit tree, gifts surrounding it on all sides, a giant polar bear on the couch, and other little Christmas-y things scattered around the room.

Elena and Elisabeth took turns at the piano as we sang Christmas carols together.  You're welcome for only making you suffer through a minute of our singing.  ;)

We snapped a few pictures in front of the tree and got to work on the pile of gifts.

Shortly after, we headed around the corner to the grandparents', where Oma and Opa, the uncle and his girlfriend, and the aunt were waiting for Christkind to ring their bell, and when he did, I had a clear view of the girls' face, and it was as if any American kid had seen Santa, himself--they were beside themselves!

We headed to the living room, opened the door, and my breath was just taken away.  There stood a giant tree, grazing the ceiling, with beautiful ornaments, lights, and...CANDLES!  I've only seen this in books and movies, and it was the most beautifully decorated tree I can remember.  I was seriously in heaven for the next 20 minutes or so.  Opa, in his suit and tie, read the Christmas story from Luke as we all stood side-by-side, and then we sang several more German Christmas carols.  Oh, if I could do this every day, I don't think it would ever get old!

And then came the cookies.  A GIANT plate of them sat on the coffee table as everyone opened gifts.  At least 9 or 10 different types, and not the typical ginger snaps or sugar cookies.  These were beautiful.  Almond clusters, marzipan-covered macadamia nuts, chocolate-covered hazelnuts, coconut balls, lebkuchen, and others I don't know how to call.  We went through it in 40 minutes or so, and out came Oma with the plate re-loaded.  And then again.  And then, the next day, at lunch, we had a couple more platefuls!  I tell you, these crazy Austrians are baking for weeks to prepare for Christmas!

To cap the evening, I got to Skype with Gran, with Patti, Charlie, and my sister, and my Mom.  And the next day, I watched my parents, uncle, sisters and brother open their gifts via Skype, got to call Grandma Ditz, my German grandma who doesn't have internet, and call Grandpa (and, oops, make him cry), and Skype with my amazing Boston aunt, uncle, and cousins.  There is no other way to describe how I felt than full with happiness to the point of bursting.

Honestly, I ask myself:  is this really my life?  How did I manage to get to experience this beautiful Austrian celebration?  How did I get so lucky with such a family, who still fill me up even when I'm several time zones away?

I wish you all as many smiles as my face has shown lately.

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Precious stone, precious friend

You know, I have some fantastic friends.  Really, truly, world-class friends.  I'm going to take the opportunity presented to me by this blog to brag a little bit.  I would like you to meet Amber.

Doesn't she just look like a little bundle of fun?  That's just exactly what she is.  But she's a wise bundle of fun.  And a sneaky one, too.  She sees right through me, which is sometimes nice, and sometimes not nice.  I can go into a conversation with this girl, and whether I intended to tell her or not, she'll always know just which questions to ask.  Since I'm the world's worst liar, she really only has to look at my face to know the answer.

Something I love about her is that no matter what I'm talking to her about, I never feel like she's walking on eggshells.  She doesn't sugarcoat things, and she speaks her mind.

We Skyped on Tuesday.  We thought out loud together about how the transition out of the APU undergrad community has affected us.  How we really have been coddled for the last 4 years, with our friends close by, activities to attend any night of the week, and encouragement in our faith around every corner.  We talked about the future, where we hope to find ourselves in the next 12 months, what to expect, how to deal with disappointment and the required flexibility of this chapter of life.

We talked about so much more, but my point is, this girl helps me think.  Even though we could probably spend hours together just laughing and being ridiculous, I am never left in want after a conversation with her.

Here's to wonderful friends (and a couple of scary geese at Huntington Library)!

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Mailmen: an endangered species

"I pretend to work with one ear cocked for the sound of the post dropping in the box, and when I hear it, I scramble down the stairs, breathless for the next piece of the story."

-The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

An American family at church learned about my free time and my endless appetite for a good book.  When I told them I'd read all of the English books I brought, all of the English books in my Austrian family's collection*, and had started on the German ones, they kindly offered to have me over after church to peruse their library.

I went last Sunday and was sent home with a bag of six English books.  Praise the Lord!  I finished the first one** on Tuesday (oops), and started another one right away.

This second one is called The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.  The thoughts of mine it's evoked are just as intriguing as the title is.  It's historical fiction and takes place just after World War II and the German occupancy of the (English) Channel Islands.  It's a collection of letters between members of said society, an author in London, and a couple of her friends.

Now I'm slightly mourning the extinction of good communication via post.  Don't get me all wrong--I am SO grateful for technology like Skype, where I can see my sweet sisters' faces and hear their voices.  But it gets me thinking about this generation's need for instant gratification.  Where has our patience gone?

These letters are long, with feelings and stories and questions and answers.  They were so meaty because they didn't have Facebook news feeds to keep friends caught up, or e-mails for a quick, time-sensetive question.

I can just imagine waiting several days for a reply.  When it would come, it would require more than a minute and a half to read.  I would examine the way each "h" and "s" loops and turns.  I think I would appreciate that the handwriting makes it even more personal...not just anybody could write that letter, only the friend who would sign it at the end.

I wish I had that.  It's not really possible, I suppose, as almost all of those with whom I love to keep in touch have a Facebook, which updates me on their lives whether I ask it to or not.  I mean, I do still use the post.  I love to write little notes and send postcards to friends, and I'll always answer you if you send me a letter.  But how exciting would it be to have that anticipation of the next one coming, knowing it was the only way to really maintain that relationship?

So...who wants to be my pen pal?  =)

Grace and peace,
Hilary

*barring War and Peace, but not for lack of trying.  I made it 20ish pages in before I feared an internal shutdown of the brain.
**It was called Blink, by Ted Dekker.  Incredible book!  I read it perhaps 5 or 6 years ago, but the second time was not any less thrilling.  If you can get your hands on it, read it now!

Photo from http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2007/aug/20/week

Embracing the magic

There's just something about this time of year that has always enchanted me.  Of course, as a kid, it was the excitement of the presents, and the impossibility, but reality, of Santa Claus and his flying reindeer.  But as I grow a little older (though Mom still won't own up to playing Santa every year), I think the magic gets a little stronger.

It's a season when you can walk down the streets and wish passerby a Merry Christmas.  You can look up and see the evergreen wreaths, mistletoe hanging from doorways, and beautiful strands of little lights winking at you as you stroll by.  The carols are captivating, the Christmas cookies are filling and the fires inside are just waiting for red noses and numb fingers to come in and soak up the warmth.

I remember very clearly my Christmas season in Hungary.  It was easily the most difficult time of the year, being away from family, in the midst of unfamiliar traditions.  So I was prepared for that this year.  But I'm thinking Vienna's doing a pretty good job of reminding me of that cozy Christmas feeling.

I went into the city on Saturday to meet up with some friends and go to one of the Christkindlmarkts (Christ child market, also known by Christmas market).  We decided to go to the one at the Palace Schönbrunn.  All I could do was smile, wide-eyed, all bundled up in my layers of clothing, boots, scarf, hat and gloves.  There was a giant tree, a brass ensemble playing Christmas carols, a choir singing and tons of booths selling locally made gifts and Glühwein (mulled wine).

Of course I miss my family (and friends!) at home.  But I'm keeping my chin up with lots of Christmas music and the rest of the warm traditions.

Happy Advent to you all!

Wishing you Christmas joy, grace, and peace,
Hilary

P.S. Happy St. Nicholas day!  I woke up to a surprise of an orange, some nuts, and a St. Nicholas chocolate!

Difficult

You know those things that really just suck to have to do, that you really don't want to do, that are really hard to do, but that just have to be done?  Worse than unloading the dishwasher or doing laundry or ripping off a band-aid.  They leave more than a little backache from bending over or stinging, sensitive skin with that sticky gunk from the adhesive.

I had one of those last night.  I let go of something I really wanted.  It's the first time in my life that I've fully and (sadly, but still) willingly given something like this up.  But you know what?  Even though that empty spot is really obvious and echo-ey now, I think it was the healthiest thing to do.  I can't visualize it yet, but later, I think I'll be grateful.

That still leaves me a little gloomy, though.  So last night I did a little soul care that needed to be done.  I picked up my Bible, yes.  But sometimes you need an extra pick-me-up in the mix.  So I went to my bookmarks bar and went to my trusty I-need-something-happy and hit my link to this video.  Then I listened to Christmas music for the rest of the evening.  Christmas music is never, ever a bad idea.

No way you watched that without smiling.  Now today, I came across something to rival it.  I'll leave you with this treat:

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Sharing

Today is not my favorite day.  Neither was yesterday.

You see, those sweet little Austrian girls I get to spend so much time with were sick last week.  Coughing up a storm.  I tried my hardest to teach them to turn away from people when they cough, and to cover their mouths with their elbows...but they are just so stuck on the concept of sharing that they couldn't resist this opportunity.

I thought I was in the clear this weekend after they seemed to be over it.

Wrong.

I've got that from-the-chest cough, where if you breathe in too deeply, you hear the wheeze.  It's really attractive--you all should come visit and see.  I mean, if you do visit, I might be knocked out on the couch by 9pm, like I was last night...or on self-imposed bed rest, like today.  But I promise I'll do my best not to share...

All this to say:  if you're a praying person, I would be pretty thankful if you'd include my health in them today.

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Insecurities

Today, as I was walking through my forest, I had one of those occasions where I heard a truth that tore me apart a little.  I was listening to a podcast from a sermon given last month at a church in Colorado, and it started off as sermons from that church often do--it was interesting enough to keep my attention, factual, and honest.

But about halfway through, the preacher hit a little closer to home than I was expecting.  The sermon is called "Letting Go of Pride," yet he started talking about something that I don't normally associate with pride.  At minute 21, the preacher dove right into insecurity.  It was so thought-provoking and just relevant to my life in the last few months.  There's no way I can reproduce the thoughts that Chad Bruegman shared in that sermon, so I would really recommend that you download the podcast and listen to it yourself.

If you're not iTunes savvy, or you would need visual to really keep your focus, you can click right here, find the sermon under "Welcome Bowlers" and hit October 16th's message.

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Gifts with meaning

DISCLAIMER: If you are the type that gets angry when people talk about Christmas before Thanksgiving is over, I'm sorry (that you're such a grinch.  Just kidding).  But if you're getting ready to start holiday shopping anytime soon, bare with me these first couple of paragraphs, and you could benefit from what you find.

I know I make myself just one of the crowd when I express my love for Christmas.  But really, it is just my absolute favorite time of the year!  I feel like skipping when I walk downtown and see the beautiful lights and evergreen foliage...and with treats as tasty as peppermint hot chocolate or Oma's sour cream jelly drop cookies, I don't even care how many calories they contain.

It's a time when one is meant to be surrounded by family, enjoying the fresh scent of the Christmas tree and the nostalgic claymation rendition of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  When the Halls pull out the fresh crab, clam dip, and 15 different kinds of mustard for our Christmas afternoon ham sandwiches.  When my mom and I fight over who actually owns the ornament of the kitten tangled in yarn (it's mine, by the way), or whether the dress I wore to the SF Ballet Nutcracker when I was 8 was blue or purple (in case you're wondering, it was blue).

Christmas is a time to remember the birth of Christ.  To think of a King born in a manger, of the wise men and the angel announcing the birth of a savior.

Among these Christmas-y traditions, there is the one that no child will ever let their parents forget: the exchanging of the gifts.  Of course it's a fun tradition, but it can be a real pain-in-the-you-know-where.  Sure, you could get Dad another tie or Mom another lotion set, but you could also make your gift more meaningful.  A couple years ago, after I spent much of my summer working in north-eastern China and learning from a few Americans working in North Korea, I decided to do something different for Christmas.  Since North Korea was often on my mind and I knew that my Aunt and Uncle didn't need any new candles, I chose to buy 10 pairs of winter boots that would go to North Korean children instead of buying gifts to give to family.

I would encourage you to do something similar.  I have five links that enable you to:
1. Give a donation to a meaningful organization in a family member/friend's name
2. Purchase an "actual" gift to give someone, but which will also benefit a great cause
3. Buy locally.  I know this isn't on the philanthropic side of things, but supporting your local entrepreneurs is a great way to "love your neighbors" and stimulate the local economy

1: Free Wheelchair Mission
is a fantastic organization.  Since I was in charge of international service in our APU Rotaract club last year, I chaired an event to raise money for them--so this one is significant to me.  Somewhere around 100 million people in developing countries are affected by diseases hindering their mobility--yet they don't have access to wheelchairs.  This leaves them to just crawl on the unsanitary ground, exposing them to more illnesses or a life of isolation, dependent on whoever will take care of them.  Just a $63.94 donation to FWM pays for the materials, construction AND DELIVERY of a wheelchair.


2: Kavalena
is a small company started by my friend Val, who graduated from APU with me in May of this year.  Val sews and sells beautiful infinity scarves.  50% of the profits directly benefit The Bright Connection, an organization in China benefitting children with cerebral palsy and autism.  The company is new and small, but as business accelerates, Val plans on broadening the beneficiaries.

3: Enzi Imports
is powered by the mother of an ex-boyfriend.  Cheri speaks and lives with passion and I have a lot of respect for her.  Enzi Imports empowers women from places where women don't have the opportunities to live unoppressed, independent lives.  Enzi sells beautiful, necklaces, bracelets, earrings and headbands handmade by African women.  They also partner with Assist International to provide micro-enterprise opportunities for Kenyan and Ugandan women.  With these loans provided, women are able to open their business, receive training, and stand on their own two feet.

4: Trade as One
provides you with gifts which you can give without guilt.  By purchasing from Trade as One, you are returning dignity to producers in the developing world.  You can be sure that these workers are paid fairly for their products and labor.  Plus, the variety on Trade as One is ridiculous.  Whether you're buying jewelry, chocolate, bags, coffee, beauty supplies, stationery (the list goes on!), you can feel good about supporting people who need the support.

5: The Original Basket Boutique
isn't exactly local for everyone.  My point here is GO LOCAL!  OBB Eureka is owned by my mom, so I am a little bit biased, but seriously, her baskets are beautiful!  Just click on the link and look at them. She can create all-Humboldt product baskets, which makes it even better.  She can accommodate recipients with diabetes.  She can take care of your golf-lover or your chef.  In fact, I have yet to see an order stump my mother.  She's even created a gardener's gift, using a hose instead of a basket.  Or a dinner basket, using a colander to hold pasta, sauce, cooking utensils and spices.  Or a wedding basket set up in a beautiful wooden clock.  I could go on.  But I won't.  (Except to tell you that she delivers within Humboldt county and ships nationwide.  And if you own a business, she can help you, too!  She's done orders of 100+ for businesses.  Ok.  I went on.  But now I'm done.)

Please share this post or these links with others gearing up for Christmas shopping.  Let's give gifts this year in the right spirit.

Grace and peace,
Hilary

He is a provider

That's kind of been the theme of my last week or two.  I mean, it's always been true, without a doubt in my mind.  But it's kept coming up over and over lately.

I'm far away from home.  I've been kind of homesick lately, especially for my sisters.
But He has provided me with 2 sweet Austrian girls to smother me in hugs when I need them.
I miss my American friends and living so close as across campus to them.
But He has provided me with a church family, through which I have found a community of believers who laugh with me, learn with me, and encourage me when I'm not feeling top-notch.
It's hard to keep in touch with people 9 hours behind, and some relationships are better just to let go.
But He has provided me with friends who show me that I'm worth the effort and has provided me with the strength and peace to let others go.
November marks 6 months from college graduation.  This means the class of 2011 begins paying back student loans.  I'm not exactly making the big bucks on this adventure.
But He has provided me a job including meals, health insurance, housing, and enough money for a little traveling and train tickets to church every weekend.

It seems like every time I've needed reminding, something really obvious shows me that I'm taken care of.  I needn't worry too much, because He is a provider.

Grace and peace,

Hilary

Hungarian High

Goodness, gracious, I know some pretty wonderful people.  I'm still on a high from my week in Hungary.  The emotional price for living so far from home can be pretty hefty sometimes, but I realize how worthwhile it is when I reconnect with those from my "other homes."

I had a few days off because of a national holiday last week.  Elisabeth suggested I do a trip during that week, because I wouldn't have to take vacation time.  The day after we talked about that, I got an email from the bus company I used to visit Hungary in June.  50% discount on tickets to Budapest.  THEN, one of my old Hungarian classmates posted in our class facebook group, suggesting we have a little reunion--for the very weekend I'd be in Hungary.  Sounded like a fantastic combination to me, so I went ahead and bought my round trip tickets for a whopping $12.87.

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS!  $12.87.  That's less than I pay for the round trip ticket from Hollabrunn to Vienna every weekend.

My time there was such a thrill!  I spent a couple days in Budapest with Levi and Zsombi--once again enjoying the sights that I know, but still just as impressed with them as the first time I discovered them 5 1/2 years ago.  I stand by what I've said time and time again: Budapest is one of the most beautiful cities I've seen!  The beautifully lit buildings by night, charming, cozy cafes by day, the Danube, the parliament, the Buda hills and castle.

When Zsombi's dad happened to be in Budapest and driving to Debrecen, so we caught a ride with him there and my excitement multiplied.  I do love Budapest, but the people I care for most live in Debrecen. I got to see 2 of my 3 host families, plus my "honorary" host family.  We strolled through the city center, walked the dog through the botanical gardens behind the university (but don't tell anyone!  The sweet old man just (ahem) looked the other way when we brought in the pup), ate at old restaurants and just enjoyed "home."

I was so nervous about my class get together!  The 2 classmates I still talk with the most (and who I've gotten together with the last couple times I've visited) had to stay in Budapest for work, so they weren't coming.  I've only been sporadically in touch with a few of the others, thanks to facebook.  These classmates focused on German in high school, so just chatting away in English wasn't an option.  And yes, I can speak Hungarian, but it was so intimidating to think about a whole night of catching up with these people, even if it weren't in another language.

My nerves were all for naught.  I can't believe how much I enjoyed myself!  Classmates greeted me by name, they looked genuinely happy to see me, they were interested in my life and I just heard all night long how good my Hungarian still is.  Flattery, I must say, is a great stress reliever in situations like this.  After chatting with my old friends, those 5 years didn't seem like such a long time.

 
I spent my last couple days up north in Eger, in the wine region of Hungary.  My honorary host family decided to make a little family vacation up there for their Fall Break, and I was invited along.  Oh, my friends, it was just breathtaking.  The trees were showing off their deep red, loud orange and lemony yellow leaves, leaving me constantly wide-eyed and open-mouthed.  We saw natural hot springs and went to an 800 year old (!!!) abbey in the hills.

Then I had the pleasure of figuring out how to eat the village's specialty.  A whole trout on my plate.

It was a fast 6 days, but a breath of fresh air out of my Austrian routine.  I can't wait to go back to see them again in a couple months!

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Teehee

You know what is a fantastic feeling?  Watching TV in another language and laughing at the right time.  It's such a simple thing, but it makes my evening.  For the first month or two here in Austria, I'd always laugh a couple seconds after my host family (or never)...you know, figuring out why everyone else is laughing.  But I'm getting the humor, I'm getting puns, I'M GETTING IT!

Ah.  It seriously makes all the hard work worth it.

Grace and peace,
Hilary

P.S.  If you have any desire to see one of my evening shows with the kids, here's Simsala Grimm.  It's a different story from the Brothers Grimm each night--so I'm practicing my German AND learning new fairy tales!  And with English subtitles for you =)

Grateful

A friend that I met in South Africa posted a picture on Facebook from his home country of Nigeria.  It was a very graphic image of rows and rows of Nigerian corpses, being observed by a few living.  It wasn't because of the typical explanations that Americans would think of for an African country.  These bodies once belonged to Nigerian Christians.  They were burned alive because of their faith.  

This isn't going to be a post demanding that we storm all of the countries that persecute their citizens for their faith, their skin color, their class or any other reason.  This isn't a post saying, "Hey, send money, these people need us."  I'm not using this to announce my embarkation on a mission trip.  While I think it's important to pray and support and "go," my plea to you is this:

Take a look around you right now.  Think of the people you love and the people who love you.  Think of where you live, what's in your kitchen and pantry right now.  Think of all you're capable of doing.  And if you're a praying person, thank God for it.  Be grateful.  Don't take these things for granted.

A few of the things on my "I'm grateful for" list:

-A healthy body

-Friends who make the effort to show me love even when I'm across the ocean

-My computer, which connects me to home

-My new warm, winter hat

-A group of believers/friends in Vienna

-The right to be a Christian under my country's government

-An untraditional, but extremely supportive set of parents who stand behind me wherever I go

-A job I enjoy, providing enough money on which to love comfortably

-My college degree, and the opportunity to earn another one

-My beautiful siblings (Hope, Hannah, Carson, Lisa) who are the hardest part of being abroad:

Don't wait for Thanksgiving each year to think about these things.  

Grace and peace,

Hilary

The pretty little details

This weekend was a breath of fresh air.  Not that the rest of my days haven't been appreciated, but I just had a feeling this weekend that I haven't had in a while.

I don't feel like the new girl anymore.  I have friends here.  I know how to get around.  I'm not afraid to talk to Austrians in German.  In fact, I kind of just feel like I'm living a normal life, like I belong here now.

I got together with Amie and a couple guys from church this weekend.  We went up to Kahlenberg, where there is a fantastic view of Vienna.  We were up there as the sun went down to enjoy the scenery.  We joked around with each other and laughed the whole time.  We trekked to another spot through the woods in the dusk, hiked down the dang hill in pitch black with only cell phone flashlights and ate Döner in the city center for dinner.  Like a really normal Saturday night hangout.  Like I could do at home.  It just felt wonderful.

Then our Bible study on Sunday was much bigger than usual!  We were 9, and ate a delicious meal together before diving into the story of Abimelech.  If there were a word for the sound of sighing, I'd write that now.  This weekend just felt so good.

My friend Stacie wrote a blog post last week that really hit home.  It was about living.  You can read the whole post here, but I'm going to share what really drove it home for me:

I used to read the last few pages of every book before starting it.... but, after awhile, I decided knowing the end never made the book any better. I never really understood the weight of that last page anyway...at least until I had the feeling and momentum of the entire book to back it up. I think life is a lot like that. Skipping ahead isn't realistic and, even if it was, it wouldn't be grand or appreciated. To appreciate the here and now, means living fully in the moments it took to get here.

Amen, sister!  Though I am still terribly excited at the thoughts and possibilities of grad school next year, I feel that lately, I've come to not only understand the point that Stacie has so eloquently made, but to apply it.   I have all the freedom in the world to anticipate the end of the book, or in my case the beginning of the next chapter.  I can do that and still be happy--that's what I'm doing now.  But if I'm so focused on getting to the next chapter that I'm missing the beauty in the syntax and the language of the current one, then what difference does it make if I just don't bother reading it at all?

So, family and friends, rest assured that I am "living fully" in these moments.  That way, when I get to wherever it is I'm going, I'll be able to smile at the details of the paths it took to get me there.

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Fickle

I'm someone who has grown accustomed to change.  I don't necessarily like it much, but I'd say I'm a pretty adaptable individual.  My upbringing and curious nature are to blame to credit for this characteristic of mine.

My parents are divorced.  Oh, no, this is no woe-is-me-because-I-am-a-child-from-a-broken-home post.  Firstly, broken is the last word I'd use to describe my family.  I'd say it's more of a mosaic.  Secondly, no "woes," please.  As crazy as you may call me, I think I'm lucky to have the family situation that I do.  In fact, one of my favorite songs to sing in the car as a youngster went, "I have a mommy.  I have a daddy.  I have a step-mom and step-dad.  I am so lucky--I have 4 parents!  I'm a lucky, lucky girl."  The verses went on to include my step-brothers and half-sister.  I could sing it now and include my adopted siblings and former-step-relatives, but I presume that's more of a, "Hey, let's go get coffee and I'll explain to you my wacky family tree" kind of story.

I'm getting off-track here.  I mentioned the family because I grew up living in 3 different houses.  Not because we moved--I mean 3 houses at the same time.  I'd spend a few days at Mom's house, Dad's house and Patti's house each week, having toothbrushes at each house and usually a fraction of my wardrobe in each closet.  (You can imagine how thrilled I was once I got my driver's license.  Forgot my favorite pair of Converse at Dad's?  No longer a meltdown.)

I was never in one spot for too long.  By the time I got sick of the view out my bedroom window at Mom's, it was already my day to be picked up by Dad for a few days.  It definitely wasn't boring, I can tell you that.

Then I graduated high school.  Even so, I haven't lived in one place for longer than 8 1/2 months since then.  Even during my exchange in Hungary I lived with 3 families for 3-4 months each.  Then my years in college and my study abroad in South Africa.  Here I am in Austria--funny to think that I'll break my record with only one year here.

So you see?  I haven't really had to commit to anything for too long...ever.  And I think that's why I'm feeling so fickle these days.

At one moment, I'll be thinking, "Yeah, grad school for sure next year.  Better get on asking for those letters of recommendation."  Then thinking, "No, finish paying for undergrad first.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a job and live somewhere for more than a year?"  And then I'll see a new program and get excited about working with college students all over again.

My latest teaser is Oregon State.  First of all, Oregon--hello, beautiful!  Corvallis isn't too terribly far from my loved ones in Eureka.  It's not a horribly long plane ride from friends in the Bay and LA.  It satisfies my tree/mountain/river requirement.  And with a graduate assistantship, there's a fantastic little thing called a tuition waiver.  Who doesn't like the sound of that?

Aaaah, there are so many options!  One of my LEAST favorite assignments from any professor in college or any teacher in high school was this:  Write me a [insert number] page paper on the topic of your choice.  How the heck do you choose?  Give me something to narrow it down, won't you?  Well, now here's that dumb assignment popping back up again, but this time it's not for a class.  It's for life.

So...here is what's on my radar for next year:

Option A:  Move to a new city, pray that I find a job
Option B:  Apply and hope to get accepted to a Higher Education grad program with a decent tuition reduction (or waiver) for a grad assistantship
Option C:  Move home to work for a few months (typed with gritted teeth) before finding a job elsewhere to save some money because it is not a sign of weakness, rather  a sign of the times--after all, 85% of my fellow 2011 graduates said they were planning on it.

Thoughts?  Advice?  Funny joke just to lighten things up?

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Wills and Won'ts

As my Facebook newsfeed is bombarded with status updates about being back at APU, Cougar football games, the renovations of the Caf and Cougar walk, pictures in 7 Palms, by the UP pool, at the trolley stops, I can't seem to drown out that tiny voice saying, "Man, I wish I were there, too."

But (I keep reminding myself), with another year at APU comes a list of things that are not my favorite.  So here are some things I won't be doing this year:

-Tediously searching library databases to comb through 20+ page research articles
-Writing the dreaded Senior Seminar Thesis Paper
-Slaving over PowerPoint preparing for speeches and presentations
-Mediating residents' roommate conflicts
-Eating mass produced Caf food
-Battling a few thousand other students for the best classes at registration time
-Stumbling up the awkward West Campus steps when late for class

and on an optimistic note, here are some things I will be doing this year:

-Constantly improving my German
-Frequently visiting my old host families and friends in Hungary
-Living in Europe(!!)
-Doing crafts, singing songs, playing dress-up (and getting PAID to do it!)
-Country-hopping with one of my best friends
-Eating fresh bread whenever I want it
-Exploring Vienna every weekend
-Always trying my best to focus on the good things in life

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Déjà vu

Oh, hey September.  Where did you come from??

I left home over 2 1/2 months ago.  I have been in Hollabrunn for exactly 2 months from yesterday.  What?  A sixth of my time here has already slipped through my fingers?  Some days seem to drag at a snail's pace. But in general, they kind of melt together so that before I know it, it's the weekend and I have another week under my belt.

Alright, friends, here comes some honesty:  I'm a bit homesick.  This whole week I've been in a little bit of a slump.  It might be the 2 month marker.  It could be that the wedding of 2 very dear friends is tomorrow, and so many people I love are together right now without me.  It could be that my siblings have started new school years and my baby sisters are now big, bad 2nd graders.  I think all of these are contributing factors.

But there's one more:  I'm feeling pressure.

Where:

P=Please let me figure this out because I am

F=Far too overwhelmed at

A=All the options thrown at me

The worst part is that it's pressure from myself.  Nobody is pushing me to feel this way.  It's all me.  You see, last year at this time, I was beginning my senior year of college.  I had fantastic friends, a good GPA, interesting classes, a university I loved, I was a freshman RA.  It was all going for me, but there was pressure.  Sure, this year would be fine and dandy, but I had my life* to figure out.  What happened after May 7th?  Grad school?  New job in a new city?  My parents' basement**?

Then I figured it out.  I like traveling.  I like languages.  I like kids.  Being an au pair for the year was the perfect fit.  I was good to go.

But now I find myself back in that very same place.  I've got the "for now" part under control.  But what about next July?  Can I financially swing grad school?  Or will I be able to find a suitable job in a city calling my name?  Do I have to lay low in Eureka for a few months upon my return to see what opportunities are lurking around the corner?

So.  If you are a person who prays, I'm humbly asking for your help.  Not necessarily that everything comes into a neat and orderly line for me to see.  More so for my heart to pay less attention to my brain.  That I'll stop stressing myself out about it.  That I'll remember that I haven't been led astray thus far, and that I'll trust that something will come together.  That I would let my faith be bigger than my fear.  I'd appreciate that a lot.

That's life for me right now.  And I really do promise, I'll give you some snippets of Germany soon.

Grace and peace,
Hilary


*Yes.  I knew I didn't have to figure out my entire life at that point, nor would it have been possible.  I am quite aware of the twists and turns from our chosen and assumed paths.  I recognize that God's sense of humor often causes us to trailblaze.

**My parents don't have a basement.  I'm from Earthquake Country, not Tornado Land.  But you get the idea.

The whole picture

Last week was ridiculously hot.  We're talking, mid to high 90s and even breaking 100 degrees kind of ridiculously hot.  Though I may have spent the last 4 years in Los Angeles, I'm a NorCal native through and through, and let me tell you, I am no fan of this kind of weather.

For one thing, I like to be outside.  I hate being stuck inside all day, having to keep the shades shut to keep the sun rays out.  My energy level is inversely proportional to the temperature.  The higher the thermometer reading, the lower my likelihood to be willing to do pretty much anything active.

However, since I know these sunny days are limited and that Autumn and Winter will soon follow, I cut myself a deal.  On days I work, I usually don't have to be anywhere until a little after noon, so there's no chance I'm going to force myself out of bed to run at 8am, while it's still comfortable outside.  I can, however, find a cooler way to get my booty out of the house.

A few weeks ago I discovered another new trail in my forest.  It's beautiful.  Don't get me wrong, it's no Redwood Forest or Fern Canyon (yes, I grew up here, and yes, you should be jealous).  But it's nice.  And it's shady.  And it's cool.

Earlier this week on my daily outing, I brought my Bible with me and decided to really soak it in.  I hiked in for a while and found a quiet spot against a tree to pause.  I just sat for a few minutes and felt myself relax.  How many times since coming here 2 months ago have I pounded over the leaves and roots of the trees and not heard the woodpeckers?  How many times have I brushed past a spiderweb and not noticed the Maple seeds spiraling to the ground?  There were so many more sounds to take in and details to examine once I sat still.

I wonder how much this corresponds to my attitude in life.  I love going to see new places--I've not often in my 23 years said no to a foreign adventure.  But when I embark upon these adventures, how much do I really see?  Am I just running on my trail, eager to see what lies around the next bend?  Or am I willing to sit patiently and quietly, observing the intricate details that together form the whole picture?

So, here's my reminder, and yours if you need it as well:  take a step back, open your eyes and enjoy life.  Not just the snapshot that everyone sees, but really examine it from your point of view to see what really makes life beautiful.

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Grüß Gott!

In Austria, the salutation is a little different than in most of Germany.  When walking into a store or meet someone new,  a German would say, "Hallo" which I'm sure most of you could translate without help.  In Austria, though, that's highly informal.  Instead, you tell them, "Grüß Gott!"

Though the Austrians don't really think about what they're saying, it means literally, "Greet God."  The original intended meaning is "God bless you," but you can read more about how it evolved on the ever handy Wikipedia page.

I do realize that this is just another way of saying hello, but I love the reminder to myself every time I say it.  This frequent command of a stranger to me "greet God" makes me smile every time.  It's never hard to enthusiastically return the greeting.

Sweet Amie

Okay you eager readers (or let's be real.  Probably just Grandma)!  I know you're anxious to hear about my trip to Germany, but I have some exciting news to share first.  I received a little message from a dear friend during my trip.  Her name is Amie.  She is one of my very best friends from college. This is Amie:

She is fantastic.  You know what else is fantastic?

This country (if you couldn't figure out this is Austria, shame on you).

BUT do you know what is the most fantastic?  This message I mentioned, of course!  Because in this message, I found out that Amie got an au pair job in Vienna and is moving here--just 4 weeks from today!

Amie moved back home to Colorado last October, so I haven't gotten to see much of her since then.  Now I will see her every weekend!

This is Amie and me in April 2009, not too long after we became friends.  Here's to heart-to-hearts, European adventures and continuing this treasured friendship!


Grace and peace,
Hilary

Patterns

I've known something about myself for a while now, and it's really showing itself lately.  I thrive with routine.  I've always admired my friends who exhibit exciting bouts of spontaneity.  Who, in college, would decide at 10:30pm to drive to Vegas and do it.  Who would see a rainstorm coming and decided to hike Garcia trail anyway.  Who I'd say goodnight to around midnight, and then the next day would have some story about shenanigans gone down in the wee hours of the morning.

But that's not me.  Sure, I think it's healthy to have friends like that.  I can't be as predictable as a second hand on a clock.  How boring is that?  Those friends help to stutter that mechanical rhythm.  They help to make it a little more interesting; with them, I live life on a different beat.

I'm working on my flexibility here.  I knew coming into Austria that there wouldn't be a super defined schedule until school started.  For all of July, I had my German classes.  I had those 4 weeks of knowing what to expect, but now that's finished.  This week, the girls don't have their summer kindergarten, so I'm spending full days with them.  Next week, I'm leaving for a week and a half in Germany with some old friends I met on a short high school exchange.

Through all of the craziness of not knowing exactly what will happen tomorrow, let alone next week, I'm finding my own ways to bring peace of mind.  I have those staples in my days and weeks that are solid.

Even if I have to get up at 6:15 to do it (gross), I go on my run.  Let me tell you, I love this part of my day!  I love it even more when it's not at the crack of dawn, but beggars can't be choosers.  Hollabrunn is beautiful.  Really.

I love the brightly colored houses I first pass on my route (my house is pink, a few doors down is yellow, across from that, bright violet...).  I turn onto another quiet road with lots of trees, houses with interesting gardens.  I get to the edge of Hollabrunn and go straight into a quaint little village called Magersdorf.  I run straight through it to the far side of the village.  My turnaround point is an adorable old yellow church building with the big numbers 1727 hanging above the door.  Yes.  1727.  That church is older than my country.

My other staple is the church I mentioned in my last post.  Can I say enough times how grateful I am to have found it?  Definitely not, but I'll say it again.  I love this community.  I've already felt like I belong with the young adults group.  We poke fun at each other and spend so much time laughing.  The pastor of the church has so much knowledge to offer and gives thought-provoking sermons.  The worship team changes every week, so our music worship experience is a little different every time.

Come September 4th, I'll have that daily routine I'm currently craving.  For now, I'll take the few nuggets of predictability I have and embrace a little spontaneity.

Missing you!

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Sabbath

Goodness, I love Sundays.  Especially the kind of Sunday I had yesterday.  I went to bed last night with a feeling of a day well spent and it was so refreshing.

I got up a bit before 9, and since it wasn't yet too hot, I ran a new route and loved it.  The perfect amount of incline, not too many cars, great distance.  I came back and cleaned up a bit and had lunch with my family before heading off to Vienna.

I wanted to try out a new church yesterday.  Last week, I tried one out that had been recommended to me by a fellow American.  I got there, sang the hymns, listened to the sermon, received communion with the congregation and chatted after the service.  I was grateful to have had some spiritual nourishment, but I wasn't sure this was the right place for me, so when I got home, I searched for more English speaking churches in Vienna (what on Earth did we do before Google???).

Sundays mean less frequent trains, so took an early afternoon train and arrived with an hour to kill.  As much as I hate to affirm the American stereotype when abroad, I made for McDonald's, ordered an iced chai (who knew McCafe was actually decent?) and settled down into a comfy chair to use their complimentary wifi.  I got some work done on my grad school research, comparing tuition prices (gag), locations, curriculums at each school.  It may not sound like a ton of fun to you, but it's really exciting for me these days.

I was so focused on my notes that I didn't leave with a very good spare time cushion.  I took the underground, got off at my stop and promptly got myself completely disoriented.  Thank goodness for all those years of German classes, right?  I asked an Austrian man for some help, got set straight and raced to number 12 Kagranerplatz.

Immediately I felt good about this place.  It felt familiar and as soon as we started singing, I was just happy.  There were people of all colors, ages, sizes--it just felt right.  The pastor got up and had my attention from the first sentence.  He's British, and I can't tell you how hard I was laughing inside as he mused about Jesus being a "jolly good chap" (no, I'm not kidding).  I think I had made up my mind there.  This was my new church.

After the service, I was introduced to a bunch of people around my age and they were all so nice and welcoming!  It came time that I needed to leave to make my train, though, so I travelled back to the train station with a new Romanian friend, Andrea.

On the underground ride, I found out she's also 23, she's half Hungarian, lived in Vienna for the last year and a half and will be here for quite a while longer.  She was just so sweet and has a very warm personality.  I'm excited to get to know her better and the others in the Young Adults Group this year.

Of course, the day ended with the USA losing the women's world cup to Japan, but it was still exciting to watch the game!

2 weeks down.  Here's to a fantastic 50 more!

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Settling in

I live in Austria.  Weird.

I've been here for 2 weeks now, familiarized myself a little with Hollabrunn and gotten myself into a routine.

I don't really know what I should tell you all.  I mean, I'm living pretty normally.  I don't go to class with a hovercraft, I don't spend my weekend skydiving...besides the fact that I'm an American living in Austria, it's not too far out of the ordinary.

My German class is alright.  I was hoping that I'd meet people who I'd be able to call friends for the year, but most of them are only here for the month of classes--they came to Austria just to improve their German.  I'm also the only native English speaker, which is a first for me.  My class consists of 2 Russians, 2 Hungarians, a Lithuanian, a Turk, a Chinese man, a Czech girl, a Ukrainian and me.  When any of us go out to lunch after class, we speak (read: struggle through) German together (unless the Hungarians are there, as Hungarian still comes more easily to me than German).

I met up with a few other foreigners on the Donauinsel (Danube Island) last weekend, which was in a way a relief.  I hadn't heard a native speaker in person since I said goodbye to Josh at the airport almost a month ago!  We swam in the Danube and had cold drinks further down from the swimming area.  It was ridiculously hot that day, so both activities were welcomed by me.

AND...I saw Harry Potter yesterday!  It came out in Europe a day earlier than in North America, so I jumped on that opportunity.  Unfortunately, I had to watch it in German, as it was already dubbed, but since I can understand WAY more German than I'm comfortable speaking, it wasn't a problem at all for me--I was pretty proud of myself, actually!

In other news, I booked my ticket to Germany today!  I've got some vacation time in August, so I thought I'd go up and visit some old friends near Hannover.  I did a short exchange the summer between junior and senior years in high school, so I've known these guys for a long time.  I visited them again when I lived in Hungary, but haven't seen them since then, so it's been almost 5 years!  I can't believe it's been that long.

Sorry for the lack of pictures in this post.  I haven't taken many in the last couple weeks.  I'll get on that soon!

Grace and peace,
Hilary

Sweet Magyarorszag

In honor of 4th of July today, I began my German course in Vienna.  I thought for sure I'd run into at least one American (especially since I was at a language school all morning), but when I finally heard that North American accent, I froze, got too shy and just kept stumbling through a German conversation with a classmate from Turkey.  Dang.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, though, let me tell you about Hungary!  When I left Hungary after my exchange year, I told my families and friends that I wanted to try to come back to visit every two years.  To be honest, I was really trying to convince myself it would happen, but I was pretty sure it'd be impossible to afford that (and especially at first!).  BUT!  Two years ago, it happened to work out with a great ticket find, so I visited!  And when I committed to this au pair deal in Austria, I realized it'd be really easy to visit again--I'm so grateful for this.

So I took off on a beautiful Tuesday afternoon for my old stomping grounds.  When I landed, I met my friend Josh in the airport!  Josh and I studied together in South Africa last year and we were both Resident Advisors this year, so it was so wonderful to spend the first few days in Europe with him.

Zsombi is a friend from my Hungarian high school.  Since his university is in Budapest, we got to stay at his apartment while there.  We completely ate up Budapest in those 5 days Josh was there.  Most of this things I got to see as an exchange student, but it was so cool to go back, be reminded at the history of the city and gawk at the beautiful buildings and scenery.

On our first day, we walked around the city for the whole afternoon.  We stopped to buy cherries on the bottom floor of the giant market at the end of Vaci street and ate them outside on a bench outside Zsombi's university.  We saw St. Stephen's Basilica, a beautiful, giant church which is also home to the holy right hand of St. Stephen (Szent Istvan), King of Hungary.  Yes, that's right.  His hand.  Want to know what makes it better?  St. Stephen was the king of Hungary from 1001-1038.  That's a really old holy hand.  If you'd like to see a picture of the relic, then look here, as there was a funeral going on while we visited, so I didn't get a picture on this visit.  But here's Zsombi, me and Josh outside of the church!

We walked for what seemed miles and miles that day...we actually did a giant circle through Pest (did you know that Budapest is actually two cities?  Buda and Pest are divided by the Danube river).  Naturally, we were famished by the time we got home, so we changed into comfy clothes watched a movie and ate palacsinta!  I was so excited...these are definitely one of my favorite Hungarian foods.  

We went to Parliament the next day, and I could do an entire blog entry on just that.  Instead, I'll just share a few things I didn't already know that I learned that day:  

-Everything used to build and adorn the building are from Hungary.  This not only stimulated the economy, but is still a reason for pride.

-The exception to this is in the entryway.  As you climb a grand red-carpeted staircase with gold leaf all over the walls and regal decorations everywhere, you can see 8 giant pillars of marble.  They weigh 4 tons each and I believe our guide said they were 3 meters high (don't hold me to either of those...my memory's a little foggy).  They came from Sweden and there are only 12 like them in the world.  The other 4 are in the Parliament in London, making Hungary richer, or so our guide jested.

-New addition since my last visit!  There are now Buckingham Palace-style guards watching over the crown jewels.  They're to keep straight faces, but you're not allowed to go up to them to try and squeeze a laugh out.

My friend Levi (also from my Hungarian high school) joined us that evening to go up to the Citadella on the hills of Buda.  From there, we had an incredible view of the Danube river, the Buda Castle (on the left) and Parliament (the dome building lit up on the right, just above the bridge).

I'll try to go in fast motion now.  We hit the Buda Castle district...beautiful, no?

And couldn't resist the opportunity to climb on artillery.  

We went to the beautiful town of Szentendre, where we ate delicious langos,

Took pictures at beautiful churches, walked the cobblestone streets and stairs throughout the town.

On our way back home, the light on Parliament was stunning.  Photo op?  Definitely.

Then it was time to say goodbye to Josh as he headed to Finland to see family...

And hello to Debrecen!  My former home as an exchange student!

I saw all 3 of my host families.  They were just as welcoming as ever.  Some of my highlights:

Flying kites with sisters Csenge and Flori and my host-aunt.

Just hanging out at Anya and Apa's with host aunt, Apa, Ica-mama and Csenge.

Evening excursion ending with our newest Olympic sport suggestion: partnered roller blade racing.

Cooking with the girls in Anya's kitchen.

Delicious Hungarian food around a cozy table.

Csenge officially becoming a GINMAZISTA (high schooler)!!  

And dinner on the farm with Klari, Laci and the dogs.

I wish I also had a picture with the Toth family as well!  They were also wonderful hosts and very dear to my heart--but our picture together is on their camera.  I'll have to e-mail them to get it soon.  =)

All of these make for a very happy Hilary.

Look out soon to hear about my life here in Austria!  German classes began today, so I'll have studying and homework to do, but I promise I'll find some time soon.  Hehe, the less time I wait, the shorter the blog will be, promise.

Grace and peace (and a happy 4th of July!),

Hilary

  

Kick off to the next chapter

Dang.  A lot has happened in the last week and there is no way I could tell you everything and keep your attention, so I'll give you a little glimpse into how this journey started and tell you about my first days in Budapest in a later post.

My flight was on Tuesday, but since everyone in Eureka was still in school, Mom was kind enough to drive me south on Saturday.  I said my goodbyes on Friday and took my pictures to have the freshest memories of my beautiful siblings...they are so adorable that I can't resist showing them off.  I have a feeling that Carson did not think this was so adorable.

 It just happened to be the birthday of one very special individual, so Whitney (college roommate), Noah (her fiance and my friend) and Ashley (wonderful APU friend since sophomore year) got to join the Hoye family in celebration of Brando's birth.

We spent Saturday boating on Sonoma Lake.  The sun was shining, the sky was blue and the breeze on the boat was absolutely beautiful.  I did get my first burn of the season, but some aloe afterwards made it all worth it (I promise Mom, I reapplied my sunscreen TWICE!).

That evening was such a joyful one.  Some of Brando's family friends came over for a big fajita dinner, so all 11 of us sat around the table talking, laughing and toasting Brando's life.  The food was pretty dang good, too.

Sunday morning started out with breakfast on the patio in the beautiful backyard and then church.  The weather was absolutely incredible, and we went to an art and wine festival in downtown Novato.  It was definitely toasty, but looking around at all of the local products and hearing the live music was a treat.  We headed down to Finnigan's and shared Irish nachos.  If you haven't tried them, do yourself a favor.  They're to die for.

We were ready to relax after that, so we all headed back home and played barefoot badminton in the yard, goofed around with the dog and kicked back with some books.

The evening came with another delicious dinner, a movie and, of course, swing dancing in the foyer!

I woke up on Monday morning feeling well rested and ready for a wonderful day.  Brando and I went on a hike not too far from his house.  Though it wasn't a rough hike, it was pretty muggy, we we were ready to jump in the pool soon after we got back.  As I got out of the pool, I couldn't help but be grateful for summer days like those...I do love the redwoods of home, but feeling a little sun on the shoulders next to great friends and a cool drink is what summer is all about.

Brando then took me down to meet Whitney and Noah in Santa Clara, but not without stopping for my first California burrito ever!  It was a good dinner, but I won't cry without them for the year.  Whitney was kind enough to show me a bunch of the wedding decorations (and possibly a sneak peek of the Dress!).

I spent the morning with Whit's dad, visited her on her shift at Starbucks and ate delicious crepes with Noah near his church.  Before we realized it, Whitney informed us that it was 3:05...time to leave for the airport.

This is when the next leg of the journey begins, and I think it's only fair to give your little eyeballs a break before I jump to that.  I'll find some time soon to tell of my airport tales and Budapest adventures!

Grace and peace,

Hilary