I left home over 2 1/2 months ago. I have been in Hollabrunn for exactly 2 months from yesterday. What? A sixth of my time here has already slipped through my fingers? Some days seem to drag at a snail's pace. But in general, they kind of melt together so that before I know it, it's the weekend and I have another week under my belt.
Alright, friends, here comes some honesty: I'm a bit homesick. This whole week I've been in a little bit of a slump. It might be the 2 month marker. It could be that the wedding of 2 very dear friends is tomorrow, and so many people I love are together right now without me. It could be that my siblings have started new school years and my baby sisters are now big, bad 2nd graders. I think all of these are contributing factors.
But there's one more: I'm feeling pressure.
Where:
P=Please let me figure this out because I am
F=Far too overwhelmed at
A=All the options thrown at me
The worst part is that it's pressure from myself. Nobody is pushing me to feel this way. It's all me. You see, last year at this time, I was beginning my senior year of college. I had fantastic friends, a good GPA, interesting classes, a university I loved, I was a freshman RA. It was all going for me, but there was pressure. Sure, this year would be fine and dandy, but I had my life* to figure out. What happened after May 7th? Grad school? New job in a new city? My parents' basement**?
Then I figured it out. I like traveling. I like languages. I like kids. Being an au pair for the year was the perfect fit. I was good to go.
But now I find myself back in that very same place. I've got the "for now" part under control. But what about next July? Can I financially swing grad school? Or will I be able to find a suitable job in a city calling my name? Do I have to lay low in Eureka for a few months upon my return to see what opportunities are lurking around the corner?
So. If you are a person who prays, I'm humbly asking for your help. Not necessarily that everything comes into a neat and orderly line for me to see. More so for my heart to pay less attention to my brain. That I'll stop stressing myself out about it. That I'll remember that I haven't been led astray thus far, and that I'll trust that something will come together. That I would let my faith be bigger than my fear. I'd appreciate that a lot.
That's life for me right now. And I really do promise, I'll give you some snippets of Germany soon.
Grace and peace,
Hilary
*Yes. I knew I didn't have to figure out my entire life at that point, nor would it have been possible. I am quite aware of the twists and turns from our chosen and assumed paths. I recognize that God's sense of humor often causes us to trailblaze.
**My parents don't have a basement. I'm from Earthquake Country, not Tornado Land. But you get the idea.
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